


Closure

by MCalhen



Category: Nabari no Ou
Genre: Attempted Murder, Child Abuse, Gen, Manga Spoilers, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 17:30:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2356622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MCalhen/pseuds/MCalhen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was forbidden for Tsukasa to interact with a ghost. But if a ghost can be harmed, they can be loved. Even when they're gone, even when they're forgotten. Manga spoilers, so don't read if you don't know who Sora is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closure

A child stares into the mirror. There is no proof of “him”, so little sign of “her”. Where is the Sora their mother was going to name? Would she have willingly carried, birthed, and died for the child, if she had known about the baby inside her womb? 

The nice boy calls the child “Sora”.

“Mom wanted Sora, but you’re not Sora,” their sister says. “And she died because of you! You killed her.”

They feel guilty to be alive. The mother whose life they took might have been kind. There is another mother in the house, but she is not Sora’s mother. And the concept of a little girl by the name of Sora died with their mother.

There is just a child lacking physical sex-distinguishing features, who stares in the mirror, and is called by male pronouns or referred to as a “ghost” or an “it”. The insults stopped hurting long ago, but it never stopped being confusing.

They hate themselves. Inside, an idea begins to form.

_What if I had never existed?_

Somewhere above the child’s head, glass breaks and there is screaming. Another fight in the residence has broken out.   
  
They sit on the floor in the basement, back against the wall, hands pressing tightly over their ears.

_I do not exist, I do not exist…_

They almost believe it.

 

***

Tsukasa sports a new bruise on his leg. He tries to cover it with a longer pair of shorts, but when he shifts on the ground, Sora notices it. Sora pretends not to.

They both know it isn’t from playing baseball. Tsukasa gets hurt all the time while playing, from balls that stray or from scrapes as he slides into base. Sora wishes they could be there with Tsukasa. Baseball is fun and relaxing and makes them forget everything else.

The stepchildren might have been responsible for Tsukasa’s injury, but even the adults are angry and often lash out. When Sora’s father remarried, they thought he might be happier, but it is not that way. The adults argue, the children fight, and Tsukasa hides by the side of the house and talks with Sora.

It is such a day. Their older sister is arguing with their father. There is screaming and threats, and no one can drown the sounds out. Sora wants to close their ears to it.

“Do you want me to let you out?” asks Tsukasa. “You can go to the church until it stops.”

It is Sora’s sanctuary and one of the few places Father doesn’t always yell at Sora for going, despite that it means leaving the basement. Tsukasa never goes and takes care never be seen with Sora, or he _will_ get into trouble.

“Are you praying for forgiveness at that church?” Father will ask Sora.

_Forgiveness for what?_

_For living. For killing their mother. For not being a complete girl or boy. For everything they cannot help—not unless they had never existed to begin with._

Sora likes the church because it is a peaceful place. They only need stare up at the stained-glass windows and forget. Peace. No one in that family has it. Not even Tsukasa, and he is nice and deserves it. But Sora cannot help him anymore than they can help themselves.

“Yes, let’s go,” agrees Sora.

 

***

Tsukasa obeys Father and brings Sora home from the church. The family moves tomorrow, and he is the only one who is willing to be seen with the child to fetch him. He stands next to Sora when they return, and while he is the tallest of the two, everyone else towers over both of them.

The other children and Mother do not want Sora when they move to a different town. Father is tired and rubs his eyes. Everyone has been packing and bickering all day.

“We have to take him with us,” says Father. “No one else will want him.”

“I’ll leave you if you don’t leave that child behind.”

Arguing erupts in the room, and Tsukasa and Sora separate, drawing closer to different corners of the room as if they might avoid being seen.

“Do you expect me to leave him here?” shouts Father, large hands gesturing in ways that make everyone around him flinch. “The next people who live here will find him in the basement. It’ll look suspicious!”

“Kill him.” Sora’s older sister is the one to speak. “Kill him like he killed our mother.”

No one is making sense, and Tsukasa glances across the room and sees the fear in his older brother’s eyes. _They can’t kill him. That is worse than leaving him behind!_

No one else has a sibling who is locked in the basement. Tsukasa’s friends are never told not to speak to one of their brothers or sisters, whether they share blood or not. Why won’t Mother or Father ever say to their bickering children, “Why can’t all of you get along?” Other families with stepparents and stepchildren demand cooperation from each other.

All the noise in the household never brings police to their door. The neighbors never notice a child locked in the basement with bars over the window. If they do, they never say anything. What will new neighbors do?

“We can make a better life for ourselves if you kill him,” suggests Mother.

Tsukasa knows there will be no better life waiting for them if they get rid of Sora. It will be no different from before, and he will play baseball and stay at friends’ houses whenever he is permitted.

Everyone but Tsukasa and Sora make plans on how to hide the body, how to cover up the murder. Sora’s older brother says no one can persecute them for killing a freakish child.

Someone takes up a knife. Tsukasa does not see who it is, but the blade flashes and is suddenly in their older sister’s hands. He wants to look away, not see what is happening, but his eyes widen and stare. If he could move, maybe he could stop it.

It happens fast. The knife drips red with blood. Sora’s hands fly to the injury at their neck. The older children demand Tsukasa’s participation, but he freezes as the knife is thrust into his hands.

Children are born while their mothers die all the time. Sora didn’t kill anyone. In biology, Tsukasa read about children who are born intersexed. They are not uncommon.

Tsukasa’s hands tremble, and he tosses the blade. His hands are soaked in blood. He runs from the house and hides behind the door, his heartbeat at his throat and his back to the wall. Sora darts past him, hands grasped at their neck.

He feels weak for not protecting Sora, but he is glad to see him run. It means Sora is still alive, that no one picked up the knife from the floor and finished slashing at the child until he was dead.

Mother is screaming for Tsukasa, but he is too terrified to move. Everyone in the house will punish him, and he is scared they might do the same to him as they did to Sora.

 

***

Mother and Father wait for the police to come to their door and question them about Sora. Tsukasa is hopeful they will come. Maybe they will ask about the blood on the carpet of their previous house. (“Just an accident in the kitchen,” Father lies to the new residents.) Most of all, he wants to know if Sora survived and is in the hospital.

Tsukasa will tell the police the truth. They will take him away when they see his new bruises—gifts given to him by the other siblings while his parents watched on.

The police never come.

 

***

After acquiring a job, Tsukasa finds a tiny apartment in his old town and hopes to find out what happened to Sora. Between work and sleep and baseball practice, he climbs the steps up the hill to the church. He always hopes the next time will be the day Sora is sitting in the same pew they always did.

A starving kitten distracts him. At his age, there is no excuse not to help, but the mother cat always hisses at him and he can’t get near. Not until Yukimi comes and tolerates his hand being bitten to rescue both the animals.

Tsukasa never expects to talk to him often unless it has to do with the cats. But Yukimi wants to know about Sora, and Tsukasa has hope for the first time in two years.

The news is not what Tsukasa hoped for.

Tsukasa tells Yukimi whatever he can, but he does not understand how it is important if Sora is dead. He wishes to know more, but when he finally works up the courage to call Yukimi and ask, he does not finish his shift at work before something slips his mind.

What is it he has forgotten? No, _who_ is it?

Why did he want to call Yukimi? Oh, the cats. The mother is fine, and the shelter wants to know if Yukimi would like to keep the fuzzy black kitten he rescued.

They make plans to meet up once Yukimi recovers from his traffic accident.

“I’m sorry to hear about your arm,” says Tsukasa.

“Once I’m out of the hospital, I’ll come by,” says Yukimi.

 

***

Tsukasa wakes up in tears. He had a dream, and Miharu and Yukimi were there. Sora was as well.

“I forgot you,” says Tsukasa, his small voice loud in his quiet apartment. “I’m sorry, Sora.”

 

***

“You won’t call him Yoite anymore?” asks Tsukasa, stroking the cat’s silky black fur. He has never met such a friendly, adaptable cat who doesn’t mind traveling or greeting new people.

“No, it wasn’t right,” says Yukimi. “He’s Yoi now.”

“Why?” asks Tsukasa.

So Yukimi tells him everything about Yoite.

**Author's Note:**

> I try to avoid writing abusive scenarios in fanfics (there’s enough of that in my original fiction and to be seen IRL/in the news), but I imagine a family that mass participates in mutilating a youth would have a violent background. Not sure how many children there were, so I had to fill in the gaps and avoid saying anyone was a “stepsister” or “half-brother”—I was worried I’d say something that wasn’t even close to canon… 
> 
> And if anyone does have additional information on Yoite's background (and not just his, but anyone else's, too), I would love to hear it. I'm always trying to fill in gaps with other information, and if I my information wrong, I always want to know that, too.


End file.
